From Hogwarts to Forks: How I Accidentally Created a Twilight Cult in My Own Home 🤦‍♀️✨

Listen, I love a good movie marathon as much as the next person. But after what felt like the 784th round of Harry Potter in my house, I hit my breaking point. It’s not that I don’t love The Boy Who Lived, but at some point, even he’s gotta move out of my living room and find his own place. 🏠🚪

So, in an act of sheer self-preservation (and possibly temporary insanity), I pulled out a card I hadn’t played since the early 2000s— Twilight. Oh yes, the ultimate teenage fever dream, a cinematic masterpiece of angst, brooding stares, and a vampire who sparkles like a walking bottle of highlighter. ✨🧛‍♂️

I pitched it to the kids with all the enthusiasm of a used car salesman: “Okay, guys, I have something even MORE magical than Hogwarts. Imagine a world where vampires play baseball in thunderstorms, werewolves dramatically rip their shirts off for no reason, and the main character has the emotional range of a teaspoon!” ⚡️😱⚾️

They were skeptical. Suspicious. Borderline offended. 😑

But I wore them down. We started the first movie, and within fifteen minutes, the room was silent. I glanced over, and their expressions were locked in—glaring at the TV like they were decoding the secrets of the universe. 🧐📺 I was witnessing their awakening.

By the end of Twilight, Brittany (10) was demanding to know if Jacob’s abs were CGI (fair question 🤨). Blake (7) had already assigned himself the role of Edward in all future conversations. Seth, who is currently away at college but coming home for Super Bowl weekend (YAY! 🎉🏈), shook his head over FaceTime and muttered, “This is so bad, but I can’t look away.” 🤦‍♂️

Success. 🏆

What followed was a Twilight-induced trance. They refused to go to bed. They demanded the next movie IMMEDIATELY. At one point, Brittany actually hissed at me when I suggested a bathroom break. 🐍😤 We powered through until dawn (ironic, I know).

By Breaking Dawn, they were INVESTED. Blake had questions about imprinting that I was not prepared to answer. 🤯 Brittany had chosen her side (Team Edward, obviously 💔). And Seth, still pretending to be too cool for this, was very loudly NOT asking why the CGI baby looked like an alien. 👶👽

Now, here we are. A week later. My home is a shrine to Forks, Washington. 🌲 I caught Blake trying to glimmer in the sunlight, only to be utterly disappointed that his skin does not, in fact, sparkle. 🌞✨ Brittany has started sighing dramatically while staring out windows. They are OBSESSED.

The Harry Potter era is over, folks. We have entered the Twilight Renaissance. And I have only myself to blame. 😭

(Also, someone please tell me how to get my TV back before they start trying to recreate the baseball scene in my kitchen. ⚾️🦇 Send help.)

~ Mary

#MomLifeWithMary