The Great Chore Experiment: A Comedy of Errors

Let me preface this by saying my kids don’t have regular chores. It’s not that I’m against it—I’m very much for chores. In theory. But somehow, between school, activities, competitive cheer, soccer, and avoiding glitter (don’t get me started again 🙄), chores have always been one of those things I told myself I’d implement “next week.”

Fast forward nine years, and here we are: kids who think a dishwasher is just a kitchen decoration and laundry folds itself.

So, in a fit of inspiration—and sheer desperation—I decided to assign chores for a day. Just one day. How hard could it be?

Let me set the scene: It’s a Saturday morning. It's a rainy day. The sound is relaxing. Brittany and Blake are watching cartoons, and Seth is… upstairs, probably scrolling

TikTok car videos 🎤🚗. I gather them in the living room for what I dub “The Chore Summit.” Duke and Duchess, our dogs, sense danger and promptly leave the room 🐕🐕. Smart pups.

“Alright, team,” I begin, channeling my inner coach. “Today, we’re going to tackle some chores.”

Brittany looks up, horrified. “What chores?”

“The ones I do every day,” I say cheerfully. “But today, we’re going to do them together as a family!” 🙌

Blake’s hand shoots up. “Can I be the boss?”

“No,” I reply, trying to maintain order. “But you can start by picking up the toys in the living room.”

He groans like I just told him he’d never eat candy again 🙈. Brittany crosses her arms. “This is so unfair.”

“What’s unfair is the fact that I found a sock in the fridge yesterday,” I counter. “Now go. Chop, chop!” 🕖

Step one: disaster. Blake picks up three toys, declares himself “done,” and disappears into the bathroom for what I can only assume is a world record attempt for the longest “pretend potty break.” Meanwhile, Brittany is “organizing” by shoving everything under the couch. Seth finally appears, looking as though he’s wandered into a parallel universe.

“What’s happening?” he asks, bleary-eyed.

“Chores,” I say, handing him a broom. “Welcome to adulthood.” 🤧

“I’m not even here most of the time,” he protests, but I’m not letting him off the hook.

“Exactly. Less mess to clean. Sweep the kitchen.”

Step two: chaos. Blake emerges from the bathroom and somehow manages to “help” by scattering the toys Brittany just shoved under the couch 🎟️. Brittany accuses him of sabotage. Seth attempts to sweep but ends up pushing crumbs into a corner and calling it “good enough.” Duchess barks at the broom like it’s a burglar, and Duke finds a forgotten snack under the couch, sparking a canine tug-of-war 🌮🐶.

Step three: bribery. “If we finish all the chores in the next hour,” I announce, “I’ll take you out for ice cream.” 🍦

This motivates them… briefly. Blake decides he wants to vacuum but gets bored after five minutes and leaves the vacuum running in the middle of the room. Brittany volunteers to dust but ends up “accidentally” spraying furniture polish on the TV 😳. Seth disappears, claiming he’s “taking out the trash,” but I’m pretty sure he’s FaceTiming his girlfriend from the garage 📲.

By the end of the hour, the house looks worse than when we started. There’s a trail of breadcrumbs leading from the kitchen to the living room, a vacuum cleaner buzzing angrily in the corner, and Duchess is now wearing one of Blake’s socks as a hat 🤭.

But you know what? We made it. Sort of. The kids are laughing, the dogs are happy, and I’ve decided that maybe chores can wait until next week. Or next year 😅.

So, here’s to all the parents out there trying to teach their kids responsibility while keeping your sanity intact. You’re doing amazing. And if all else fails, remember: ice cream is always a good backup plan. Just don’t let them bring the glitter 💥.

Now I’m off to figure out how to get furniture polish off a flat-screen TV 📺.

~ Mary

#MomLifeWithMary