When Your 9-Year-Old Decides at 6:11 AM That She’s a Historical Reenactor

Pic without the homemade top hat because it was already tucked neatly into a bag and no time to redo that packing--LOL

Let me set the stage: It’s 6:11 AM, and the house is still basking in its post-slumber haze. I’m standing in the kitchen, holding a coffee mug like it’s the only thing tethering me to sanity. Enter Brittany—wide-eyed, fully awake, and armed with a mission that could rival a NASA launch.

“Mom,” she says, her voice laced with urgency. “I need props for Reader’s Theater today. I’m Ellen Craft.”

Cue the record scratch in my brain. Ellen Craft? As in, the Ellen Craft—master of disguise, legendary escape artist, and now, apparently, my personal reason for losing what’s left of my marbles before 7 AM.

“Oh, okay,” I say, because, you know, I’m cool like that. Super chill mom over here. “What props are we talking about?”

“A vest, a tie, a sling, and a top hat,” she says, as if these items are just casually waiting in the hall closet, right next to the emergency capes and magician kits.

The Chaos Begins

First up, the vest. Brothers are good for something, right? So, I raid Seth’s old closet. Success! One slightly wrinkled vest that hasn’t seen daylight since he outgrew it in middle school. Brittany approves with a nod that says, This will do.

Next, the tie. Cue me rummaging through a dusty box of Mark’s things, muttering, “Please don’t let this be the sentimental tie.” Luckily, I find a plain one. Brittany ties it like a 9-year-old who definitely doesn't have a clue how ties work, but hey, it’s Ellen Craft, not the Oscars.

The Hair Hustle

Now, Ellen Craft famously disguised herself as a man. Brittany’s hair? Long. Braidable. Perfect for hiding under a hat. So I braid it faster than a rodeo champion ropes a calf, pin it, and tuck it under… a golf hat.

“Wait, Ellen Craft didn’t wear a golf hat,” Brittany says, her nose scrunching like I’ve just offended her entire lineage.

“No, sweetie,” I say, “but Ellen Craft also didn’t shop at Target for her disguises, so we’re improvising.”

Cue construction paper stapled into a top-hat-esque creation to stick on the golf hat rim. Is it black? No. It’s brown. Because 6:15 AM Mary doesn’t have time to care about historically accurate hat colors. Brittany nods, clearly pleased with my creative genius.

The Final Touch

Finally, the sling. I grab a black shirt, fold it, and drape it around her neck. Voilà—instant sling! Brittany beams like she’s ready for Broadway, and I’m standing there like a battle-worn prop department intern who’s aged five years in 15 minutes.

The Aftermath

At 6:50 AM, Brittany struts out the door with her brown-paper top hat, brother’s vest, Dad’s tie, and my caffeine-deprived soul cheering her on from the sidelines. Is she historically accurate? Let’s just say Ellen Craft would’ve admired her resourcefulness.

And me? I deserve an Oscar for Best Supporting Role in a Last-Minute Parent Crisis. Honestly, if this morning taught me anything, it’s that I’m one stapler and a coffee away from being a set designer for Hamilton.

Dear Reader, if you ever find yourself at 6:11 AM wondering if you’re capable of pulling off a historical reenactment on zero notice, the answer is YES. Yes, you can. But you’ll probably need construction paper, and maybe a second cup of coffee.

~ Mary

#MomLifeWithMary